Why Selfish Women Heal Society

• I love this idea about how men and women approach ego from different directions

  • Men go through ego death, women go through ego birth

    • This makes sense through the lense that women are socialized to be objects

• Be skeptical of white women talking about new age stuff

  • Manifesting and New Age Stuff

    • The dark side of it

    • Pipeline to the alt right

      • Repackaged eugenics and conspiracies

• Men and Women have such different life experiences, why are acting like we can approach spirituality in the same way?

• “Many women don’t have egos to lose”

• the most prevalent compliments that mothers receive are how selfless they are and of course nobody wants to be qualified as selfish but also if I turn that word over in my head over and over again it doesn’t sound like a compliment selfless she doesn’t have a self and that’s supposed to be like the thing to strive for?

• “Lose yourself spirituality” = for men, “Find yourself spirituality” for women

• “in my own experience in the past couple of years as I’ve tried to root deeper into myself and build up a level of self-trust and self-respect I feel more closely intertwined with what I would qualify as the Divine than I ever did when I was trying desperately to reach for something out outside of me and lose myself”

• “Hammurabi’s code is significant because this is where patriarchy was solidified basically it wrote out the laws of subjugation and abuse women as property all of that”

  • Oh my god I crashed out at a bar one time talking to some older men because they were like “no one sat down and decided to create the patriarchy” and I was like “HOW ELSE WOULD IT HAPPEN???”

    • IT’S NOT NATURAL!!!!

  • Christianity teaches things like empathy

    • revolutionary for these men under this patriarchy

    • women were already doing this

      • women were caretakers, and men, thought leaders, were telling men to act more like women, to take care of other people

    • If you tell women to do the same thing, the thing that they’re already doing, it gets extreme– the profane feminine

• “the profane feminine when they’re told to give the shirt off their back and lose all sense of self and they go so deep into that what this looks like is that in giving and giving and giving and getting rid of yourself and getting rid of yourself you become a martyr or you become a victim”

  • I know this feeling very well–of needing to give and give and give in order to feel like you’re going to obtain safety and love. My parents conditioned me well for it!

• Spiritual advice of compassion and forgiveness is not good for a victim of abuse

  • to get through abuse, in order to be your “highest self”, is to be softer and to be more compassion

    • enables abuse

• place of reciprocity

  • Women need to unlearn the act of self betrayl of giving from a place that’s empty

    • Think of Claire from Fleagbag

      • She builds a prison of other people’s expectations of her in service to a man that’s witterally abusing her

• The most beautiful girl of them all is the girl who will sacrifice it all

  • Wanting to feel wanted and desired

  • Resentment builds

    • Boundaries

    • Building a prison of expectations

    • opperate in ways that creates self betrayal

      • Controlling behavior of other, abandonment of self

• To unlearn

  • draw a circle around yourself with yourself in the center & bring things that are sacred into the circle & keep yourself the center at all times. boundaries

    • boundaries — isolation

      • Can be used to manipulate. Rugged self isolation with no growth. Boundaries should be an AMPLIFIER, not a thing that isolates.

    • Love a return to childhood call

  • Learn to not care and be okay with not caring

    • what is going to take our energy and what is not?

      • gives more space for things that we do care about

    • bell hooks

      • women artists and expectations & alone time

        • I’m so lucky to have a partner who loves my art ❤

• Think about the context between our different experiences as men and as women